FINAL VERDICT DAY FOR JODI ARIAS (MY THOUGHTS)

Today is a day of closure for us all. It's been a long haul, most especially for this sweet family whom I love so dearly. Today I actually have no tears. I've shed many over this trial and for Travis and his family over the past 7 yrs. A lot. The first trial about killed me. It was too intense to be in the court room the few times I was interviewed on TV talking about it. Most especially when I wrote out my story and interactions with him for Chris and Sky Hughes' book they wrote called "Our Friend Travis Alexander"

(pictures are from July 28th, 2014, day of service to remember Travis. We served at C.A.S.S. in Phoenix, AZ)





It's been a long grieving process for us all. I think I finally feel at peace that it's finally over and the family can rest knowing they did all they could to support their brother, whom we all love and miss dearly.

With the trial over, the final verdict decided, I don't wish to speak of his death, his murder, or his murderer, after today. I desire to remember his life. Let us all do the same.

So I will say this, buy the book, when it comes out. I'm not being endorsed to say this. These are my own thoughts. Let us all remember him for who he was and spread light and love and goodness and continue to share his legacy of service and in being kind to everyone and raising ourselves to new heights and becoming our highest and best selves possible and truly making the most of this Earthly life we all have left. I hope we all can take away something positive from his death and this trial, most importantly to know that life is fragile and to love deeply and intensely those around you while you still can.



The world now knows his name and I pray they will remember his goodness and learn of who he was and not remember him by his tragic death. This is the purpose of this book. You will laugh and cry right along with us. I can’t wait to read what others have written and truly remember about him and that special light and charisma he carried. Ok, now come the tears….

I’ve been pretty silent lately. I’ve learned I had to protect myself and my emotional state as it effected every area of my life. So you can only imagine what the family has gone through these past few years of trial.

I was given a special witness that she was his killer, the day I met her, at his memorial service in Mesa. I don't know why. But what I do know, is that she is pure evil. At least evil spirits and darkness surrounded her. No matter where she goes or what she does, or how she may suffer out the remainder of her days, she will never be able to take away our memories we have of him, nor our ability to see him in the eternities. We all will rejoice in the day we all will be reunited with him. Yes it's tragic he was taken from this Earth, too soon, but righteousness always prevails in the end. I believe in a just God. I know justice will be served in the next life, therefore it doesn't matter to me where she goes or what she does, from here on out in this life. She cannot escape what's awaiting for her, upon her own death. No matter the hurtful things and lies she has said about him, will never change who is was and who he is and what he meant to us.
I miss him everyday. It's truly amazing how his death has effected so many lives. It's because of his death that the world knows who he is. Even in death, he is putting a positive spin on his circumstances. It's true Travis style. There is positivity in all situations, it's just a matter of what angle you are approaching it and how you look at it and what questions you are asking yourself.

Jodi had made a picture book for all of us to sign at the memorial service of all the pictures she had taken of him. There was a small group of us left, after the service was over. I remember the tears in other’s eyes and the horror on the faces of those who found Travis’ body. I won’t speak for them, but I know their lives are forever altered. My life is forever altered just by seeing their faces and experiencing these moments with them and Jodi at that service. As we all sat there trying to find comfort in each other, asking the tough questions as to whom could do this to our friend, she was nodding along and pretending to be distraught too. Jodi was playing a role and was an actress that day. I saw right through her. Jodi was also looking over our shoulders as we wrote our final goodbyes in this book, she had made. She looked over my shoulder as I was writing the words…”This isn’t goodbye Travis, this is see you later my friend. I love you forever.” Jodi, commented on my writings and said “That’s neat what you wrote there, that this isn’t goodbye,” with her fake smiles. I looked up and gave a respectful yet annoyed look, hoping she would get the hint to step away from me as I take this moment to pay my final respects to my best friend. As you can imagine, it was awkward, painful, and uncomfortable with her there, knowing what I only knew, that she was his killer. I shall never forget this day and the feelings I felt. It was pure evil coming from her, but pure and genuine love and sadness from his friends and family. There was no sadness coming from her, whatsoever.


I have grown leaps and bounds with him in life and from him, in death. My value for connections, friendships, and family has grown immensely. My desire to document everything increased ten fold. I don't have one picture with my sweet friend. And I'm a photographer. It's crazy how I was so caught up enjoying life with him, I forgot to document it. That's the thing, when you were with Travis, you were captivated and he had your full attention.

Lots of you have reached out to me and I appreciate your love and care and concern and support.

Not knowing the true bigger picture and what life holds for us all, I’m at peace with the final verdict. We all wanted death. But I feel what happened is meant to happen and for purposes unknown to us. I’m at peace with that. I’m truly glad she won’t be getting released and won’t ever be free in this life. It seems fair to me. And it’s never really mattered what happens in this life to her, because ultimately she will meet her maker and will be judged. Nothing that happens to her, will bring him back.


Yesterday at church I was reminded that our Savior loves each and every one of us, even the murderers. Even Jodi. Think about that one. I’m not one to hate, ever. It’s not a trait becoming of a lady. I have never hated her, nor will ever choose to hate her. I have forgiven her. Like I’ve said before, forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. It’s not for her, but for me. I feel Travis has even forgiven her. I have felt Travis’ spirit near throughout these past 7 yrs. He is fine. He is happy. He is there to help us and lift us still and cheer us on from the other side of the veil. His spirit lives! And someday very soon, we will see him again! Until then I will choose to love and choose to remember the good and choose to still laugh when I remember him and be eternally grateful I was touched by his goodness and that I was honored to call him friend. Until we meet again, I love you Travis. You can read more about our story in the book!


My final words in the book:

So to honor him and his legacy I will end with these (tearful) words:
I love you Travis. I’m so grateful I met you. I’m beyond blessed to have known the real authentic Travis. You are my brother, my friend, my family. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being my biggest fan. Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Thank you for showing me and telling me what I deserve in this life and what I’m capable of achieving. Thank you for being a great example to me. Thank you for not judging me and always being positive and reminding me of my worth and making me feel beautiful and comfortable in my own skin. Thank you for teaching me so many wonderful things, by example. Thank you for helping me become the strong woman I am today. Thank you above all, for your generosity and helping me strengthen my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, while you were on this Earth and even more so, now that you are gone from this Earth. As I wrote in that picture book, at your memorial service, I’ll say it again…This isn’t goodbye Travis, this is see you later my friend. I love you forever. Until we meet again….Love, your forever friend, Elisha J. Schabel.

"MAJOR AND COMMANDER HOTTIE" | THE BEGINNING | HOW TWO BECAME ONE, HASHTAG

Throwing it back to 2 months ago (yesterday) May 16th that I met this crazy handsome kid. Yes I say kid b/c he was 29 at the time. :) He turned 30 June 6th, so he's a man now. This pose of us couldn't be more contrived, but now it has more meaning and depth. Perspective is a crazy thing.

This was literally 1 hr after meeting in Huntington Beach,CA for an LDS mid-singles conference, and we were being silly and took all sorts of fun shots with our sidekicks, Sandy and James.
I remember Brent wanting to look at the back of the camera after every shot. Ok, well I did too. I mean not everyone knows how to use an SLR. So I was checking to see if they were in focus. Brent was checking to see if he looked hot enough. Pretty sure he doesn't take a bad photo. I remember him looking at me, after seeing a particular image with me and he says..."WOW, you're really pretty." To which I thought, "hmm he said that like he was shocked or something and that he didn't realize I may be attractive at all, until he saw me being photographed or something) Either way, I remember feeling a little jolt of excitement that he validated me. It felt nice. Here's that image. (we are such posers)

Before this event we had texted to plan to meet up and possibly car pool. I knew they were driving in from Utah via Vegas the night before because Brent and I were exchanging a few texts. We all met up at the same hotel the four of us stayed in (separately. me with Sandy, He with James) in the BLVD Hotel in Newport Beach. It was kind of a dive, but that's what you get when you book last minute hotels. Brent saved the day and messaged me on Facebook a few days before giving Sandy and me the tip. I thought it would be nice to "know" others staying at the same hotel and even be "car pool buddies" to and from events, since parking can be a nightmare in Cali. I only ever saw us being friends.

Brent and James came knocking on our door that evening as we were scurrying to look our hottest selves. ***TANGENT ALERT****I mean the pressure we put on ourselves for these singles' events is just nuts. It was exhausting, if I'm being totally honest. I just can't maintain that lifestyle if I wanted to. I won't even admit to how long it took us to get ready every day, even for the beach. Knowing you're going to meet new friends and old friends and have your picture taken all over the place, and possibly plastered all over social media without your knowledge or ability to "fix" them, seemed high pressure to me. It's why I almost didn't go in the first place. I have a bit of social anxiety and loads of insecurities. I've been hiding behind them my entire life. So we prepared by getting our nails done (manis (acrylic tips) and pedis), fake spray tans, to the clothes, the shoes, the hair, the make-up, a new swimsuit and cover-up per beach event....the list goes on. Too much money was invested into one weekend. I'm exhausted even typing about it. At one point I thought to myself, "who am I trying to impress?" I didn't know why I felt such pressure, but I did. I mean we all wanted to meet someone (even if it was a weekend fling) I mean I think in a lot of ways it would validate all the preparation getting there and the hard work it took to look good. However, deep down inside we all just want to be accepted for who we are, bare faced, no make-up, hair in a bun or pony, in our yoga pants and basic t. (which is how I look daily when I'm working at home on my computer) But if I came looking like I do now, writing this post, I'm pretty sure no guy would ever have said hello. We have to put our best selves forward because first impressions are everything. However, it quickly dawned on me that I may have to keep up the charade of how I looked in Cali and that just wasn't me 100%. It was a version of me, yes. A very polished version. But there's no way I'd want to maintain that version of me on the daily. ***TANGENT END***(read the end of post to see my favorite part of this whole story)

Back to the BLVD hotel doorway....The four of us were all sizing each other up to see if car pooling was going to be a counter productive activity or not. It seemed we spent too much time discussing who would drive and what would happen if someone didn't want to go to after parties, etc. I mean you don't really want to "TAKE sand TO the beach", if you catch my drift. We decided to gamble and car pool after all (I guess we passed the test and well really traffic to LA was a nightmare and we thought having company would be better.) Brent drove his brand new white fully loaded Mazda 3, which was pretty sexy, not gonna lie.


We drove an hour to the LA area to the USS Iowa dance (kickoff main event) on a battleship where we registered for the event and received our wristbands, that we needed to decode by looking at a poster board of images and letters. Turns out he was "Commander Hottie" and I was "Major Hottie." We chuckled and may or may not have given each other a fist bump. I guess we were suppose to go around and learn the name of others. I never did. Pretty sure he didn't either.

This is where #majorandcommanderhottie began. ha ha. I knew from what I had learned about him on Facebook and via Instagram, that he had modeled a few clothing lines previously and he was a Photographer with a great eye. I thought he would just be fun to photograph and add to my own personal portfolio. I mean, am I right, ladies?
So we were having a sort of "pose off" which makes me laugh. I had no feelings what so ever for him, so the posing felt a bit awkward yet I was secretly excited to be photographed with such a hottie, but at the same time I judged him and just saw him as the "player" type and never even considered dating him, but knew we would have fun "running into and/or carpooling" to events. I mean he was 29. He's a super hottie. He's 29 and I'm a bit older. Did I mention he was 29? ha ha I had previously been sort of bummed out b/c I really liked a guy who was 28 and didn't want to commit, even to the word dating. Even though spending every other day together for months, and kissing, was in fact dating. I guess I'm not the only one who sometimes struggles with labels. I've always dated younger it seems. However, when it boils down to it, someone usually will have an "issue" with the age gap, even though it's super fun and a sort of "notch on both our belts" sorta thing to even kiss someone with age gaps like ours. Guys dig older chics these days. But do they really want to settle down with one? I wasn't even about to tell Brent my real age, yet. He didn't know for quite a while and said it didn't matter and that's he's always dated older women. He likes the maturity that comes with age. I didn't believe him at first, because all guys say that it "doesn't matter." Then they find out and the story changes. Lets not fail to mention one guy I went on one blind date with back in April. My only set up I have allowed in the past 10 yrs, mind you. Mr. "C," didn't make me feel comfortable at all with my age. In fact, I never even told him. Not even sure if he still knows my age. He was just barely 29 or 30 I believe and said "well I want to know. I mean I know you're older I just want to know HOW much older. I've always dated younger, so I guess it's sort of a big deal to me." He kept pressing for my age. I just wanted to get to know each other, ages set aside for a minute. I desired him to get to know ME first and not my age. I don't feel or act or look my age, so to me, it doesn't matter. I then asked "C," I will tell you, but is it really that big of a deal?" He replies: "Well I'm still here aren't I?" I wasn't finished with my salmon, otherwise I would have bolted right then and there. It was such a jerky thing to say and there's a reason Mr. C, has never been married and is still a virgin and single. Awkward first dates. Gotta love them. I kinda swore off dating once again, since then. This was supposed to be my year where I had set goals and envisioned meeting my husband. Mr. C, clearly wasn't him. We exchanged a few texts, which slowly fizzled out to nothing at all. I felt he was just playcating things a bit, after dinner asking to continue the date and walk around San Tan Shopping center. Maybe he could feel my annoyance? I hope so. He was really rude and I had never experienced a date like that, nor hope to ever again. I wish him well.
Back to my story...We had a great time at the event, even though the food trucks ran out of food for us. So, we had to go to a local Mexican restaurant, just the four of us. Of course that made it feel like we were on a double date. We then joined the other hundreds of people on the battleship and shook our groove thing. I was actively trying to meet other men and be social. Brent kept popping in and out and around me. I think we both were checking to see where the other was and we danced a few fast songs and one slow song. I don't get out much and wanted to really make it worth my while, especially since I blacked out the entire week to not book shoots. I lost money because of that. For some reason this year, being there, felt important. I truly didn't want to really go, if I'm being honest.


So the fun dancing ended in about 30 min, when they booted us 45 min early for some noise ordinance. (we were in a freaking harbor! who complained or could even hear the noise?) We weren't happy to say the least. But hey! We got some fun photos and to me and turns out, to Brent also, those are kind of the most important thing to us. We LOVE documenting. Maybe too much. He, even more so, loves a good selfie.

The story and the pictures of us in California continue....I'll post at a later date.

2 months later, he's uhm my boyfriend? How'd that happen? Ha ha.Since that day, we've managed to cram about 6-8 months worth of dating in. Not kidding. I'll keep adding in separate posts. We've been on several adventures and some really fun outings and dates. I think we went 3 strait weeks 24/7 together and never fought. That's gotta be some kind of record or something for me. There's been an instant comfort and best friend type feel, from day one. He says, since HB, he's felt literally drawn to me, like no girl ever before. I still was on the fence. I told him I don't do long distance. As he lived in UT at the time. A week after HB, he called and asked if he could fly here the following weekend and take me out on a proper first date. He was sick as a dog that entire weekend, but we managed to have a good time, while I played nurse using all my doTERRA oils and knowledge to make him feel better. He had just played and went on WAY too many vacations without any rest. He found rest and a nurse, with me those 5 days. www.mydoterra.com/ellejdoterra be sure to check out doTERRA if you've never heard of it before! Your life will change forever. Contact me with questions and support!)He did manage to feel better to go SUP boarding with me and my brother. That was a blast. It was a fun trip, but difficult to really get to know someone, when they are "at their worst" I didn't mind taking care of him. It's in my nature. I was just bummed for him. He spent a lot of money to fly here, to spend his time with me, being sick.

A week later, he drove 10 hrs out to San Diego, giving up his beloved week long trip to Lake Powell, that he looks forward to, every year. He, instead, came to San Diego and we spent the next 5 glorious days together where we continued to get to know each other, under some pretty romantic settings. He showed me around Laguna Beach for my first time. His home town. It was magical. (also will be another post of pictures.) He then told me he was moving to AZ after Cali and was bringing just the essentials to Cali with him. I guess since I told him I don't do long distance, he made it easier for me. He was determined and persistent with me. He still is. Guys just don't stick around this long, with what I put them through. I don't mean to. I just do. I have a few broken bits and a guard up that won't quit. He's still here.

I never got the whole butterflies or wondering "does he like me/physco chaser attitude" I mean there was a moment after HB, when we said goodbye, that I TRULY felt it was just a fling for him too! That goodbye, had to have been THE most awkward of all time. Turns out he was nervous. I was thinking..."yep, fling."

I had been too busy to even think about him or anything else, since meeting. Life has been a whirlwind the last 2 months. However with Brent, it's just been calm. Peaceful. I just don't stress (well I try not to) when he's around. He's my calm in this storm of life. He has shown me through every action, that he adores me and says he's never felt this way, for anyone, ever. He says the most wonderful and amazing things. I'm just not use to them. It doesn't mean I won't get use to them. I want to get use to them. How he treats me, is how EVERY girl DREAMS to be treated. It's something I never thought I personally would receive or experience. It's nice. It's different. It's uncomfortable at times, only b/c I'm different and have my wall up, even still. I'm slowly trying to break that wall down for him. There's a very protective part of me, that is scared to fall. Because if I do, I may break. I've been broken. It's painful. I don't want to go back there and break again. So I'm guarded. He's patient. VERY patient. He told me last night in the sweetest most tender way,over the phone, after he left, (since we have a midnight curfew now) that he has this unconditional love for me, that he's never felt before. He says he just knows it will always last and never end. I'm thankful he's patient with me and that he loves me and adores me. The L-word is scary. I can say it all day long to my family and friends. But with a "boy" it's different and has way different meaning and feelings and depth and weight that I'm just not sure I'm ready for, yet. I'm taking my time. Because I can. He obviously means a lot to me to want to start documenting it on my blog and in my journal, and share our story with the social media world. And the most important and best part is ...he accepts me, adores me, loves me, for ME. ALL of me. No make-up, hair in a pony or bun, in my yoga pants and basic t, no frills, just me. xo...e

#MCM (MAN CRUSH MONDAY) | FACEBOOK POST

I'm a very private person when it comes to who I date. But he's so wonderful that he deserved me to come out of my shell and spill a bit of mush, publicly.



I'm not one for much PDA or talking too much about the men I date.

But today is #mancrushmonday and I think this #commanderhottie of mine, deserves a little shout out.

Boy did I misjudge this guy at first. As they say, you can't judge a book by it's cover. I'm still getting to know him, but from what I've experienced so far, in these last 7 weeks that have literally flown since meeting....He's the sweetest, most caring, kind, generous, giving, serving, loving guy I've ever dated. He has this amazing ability to express himself and his feelings so precisely and effortlessly. He's teaching me to do the same. (I am not the best in this dept) as relationships scare me. I have loads of "emotional baggage" and "damaged bits" from my marriage. He's patient with me. He talks me through my little breakdowns and freak outs and "hormonally challenging" moments. He's very vocal and VERY complimentary to the point I just don't know what to do with it all. He's teaching me to learn to take a compliment and not beat myself up, as I tend to do all too often. He pays attention to me and to every last detail to what I like and prefer to small silly things like buys me the occasional energy drink I strictly only ever drink (NOS). He's highly observant and has a strong sense of fashion, style, taste, class, and charm. He's a great assistant on my Photo Shoots and Photographer, and has a great artistic eye. He lives to assure my needs are met and that I'm cared for. He's so supportive of my goals and dreams. He's neat and VERY tidy. More than me. (shocker) He loves to tidy up my house, do dishes when I cook, and even make my bed for me and turns down my covers, at night, in the cutest perfect "hotel like" manner I've never seen. He tucks me in and kisses my forehead goodnight. I love to hear nice things. But I strictly only pay attention to actions, since my divorce. #actionsspeaklouder. His actions have matched his words every time. It's a rare quality these days. We are so alike it's scary. We literally will be thinking the same thing at the same moment.

Not sure what the future will hold for #majorandcommanderhottie (HB singles conf wrist band decoder names FYI) , but I do feel blessed to have met him and experience what it feels like to be treated very well, for a change, and accepted for me 100% and allow goodness and good things into my life. I have huge walls up, since my divorce 6 yrs ago. I will usually push a guy away long before he ever gets a chance to break them down. He's not letting me push him away. When I said "I don't do long distance." He moved here a week later. What? #wheredidhecomefrom

He makes me feel beautiful and sexy and wanted, even with not a stitch of makeup on and food all over my face. Lol (as it often is bc my face is numb in several spots since my jaw surgery) ha ha
He's super talented and knowledgable in many areas. He's very good with his hands and is my favorite handy man. He will do every favor I ask, no question. He accepts me. All of me, every flaw and imperfection and insecurity. He says "there's nothing he would change" about me. And will only ever think positive thoughts about me. My response is ..."just give it some time, sweetie." Lol. He won't let me be self deprecating and helps me to maintain my positivity. He's a good example to me, in many ways. And let's not forget to mention he's ridiculously handsome and has the yummiest strong body/muscles. I mean....really? #swoon #mcm — with Brent Sorensen.

#WCW (WOMAN CRUSH WEDNESDAY) | BRENT'S POST TO ME VIA INSTAGRAM

These days social media is changing relationships and how one expresses themselves. Brent uses insta and #wcw to express himself and it's the cutest.



Woman Crush Wednesday. This girl right here is one of the sweetest girls I know. She always knows how to make you feel appreciated . She is always wanting to include others. She is independent but so selfless. Her heart is big and has so much to give. She has a charm that is impeccably sweet and when she looks at you and smiles, you can't help yourself but smile back. Her drive and and passion for what she loves is so attractive. She is so talanted and excels in anything she puts her mind too. From her photography, music, singing, and art skills. She has a amazing ability to care for others, to listen and understand them and her spirituality just glows when she is present. She has a therapeutic touch that brings comfort and compassion. She is beautiful inside and out. You are my woman crush Wednesday and always will be. Your amazing Elisha. Your amazing to me and nothing can change that. @ellejphotography #HopeSheDoesNotGetMadIUsedThisPic #WCW #MajorAndCommanderHottie #ShesAKeeper #ThatRedHair #HeadOverFlipFlops — with Elisha J Schabel.

BRENT'S FIRST #WCW DEDICATED TO ME | THIS WAS HUGE FOR HIM

so i'm the first girl to make his instagram. these days, that's a big deal!



Woman Crush Wednesday - Seriously one of the coolest, sweetest, fun loving girls I know. She is amazingly talented, always caring for others, and is beautiful inside and out. She is always supportive and loves to see others succeed. I'm so glad I was given the opportunity to get to know her and look up to her drive and dedication she puts forth @ellejphotography you are amazing! #WCW #Hottie #GladIGetToSpendTimeWithHer #AlwayFunWithThisOne #Summer #NewAdventures — with Elisha J Schabel.

What do you believe? (inspired by Angie Monson) by Elisha ("elle") J. Schabel

Angie Monson is a SLC based Photographer, whom I've never met, yet follow on Instagram and Facebook. She's an amazing Photographer and I find myself inspired at times, when I see her posts. She has a love for life and all things beautiful. I resonate with her and so many fellow Photographers. We all seem to be cut from the same cloth, with how our minds work and how we think and how we feel. What I've learned (these past few years especially) is that Photographers and artists in general are a lot alike. We see and view life very differently. So I'm always intrigued with what they have to say, whether I believe the same way or not. Contrast creates opportunities for growth. 

Today's post was a little different from Angie. She is reading a book called "The Happiness Project" (which I've never heard of nor read) and today's reading is in the 8th Chapter entitled August, Contemplate the Heavens, Eternity. Angie, claiming to have grown up in the Mormon church, and since choosing another path for herself and her family, posed a question out to us (her followers); what do you believe? She is genuinely interested to know what everyone believes and what they choose to follow. She desired for it to be an open, honest, and loving discussion, knowing full well she may have opened a can of worms and potentially created drama for herself. It is brave and daring. And so are the people who chose to respond. Sometimes truly standing up for what you believe in and know to be true, takes guts. It also solidifies it's roots within us when we choose to be so bold and share with others, what defines us. I read most of the posts from really sweet women I've also never met, and found myself intrigued. Normally with these types of questions people I follow pose, I simply read everyone else's statements and carry on. This time, for me it's been different. It's been a great experience for me to put down in my own words (undoubtedly influenced by so many amazing people in my life) as to what I believe, what I know and how I choose to live. 

So here goes. Truly this is simply a small snippet into my life and my brain. It's very complex sometimes. I like when I get to write it out and make sense of all the knowledge and wisdom we gain with age. I write in a journal too. It's very soothing to my soul to keep one and to look back at life's lessons. I hope my writings to never be in vain and hopes that if I can help even one soul come to the knowledge of our Savior, it will not be for naught. Even if it's just for myself, that's enough. 

 I am "Mormon" and "grew up" in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, along with my 7 other siblings: Monica, Gretchen, Carly, Zac, Alex, Taylor and Adam, but not necessarily because of my parents, Mark and Pam Schabel.  Yes, they were lead by missionaries first, which gave them the option to choose for themselves to be baptized, which gave us 8 children later, the ability to choose for ourselves also. I'm grateful for an Earthly Father with an open heart and mind who accepted the invitation by the missionaries, at the young age of 19, into their home and for taking the challenge to read the Book of Mormon and pray about its truthfulness and discovering the truth for himself. Grateful he later was baptized and my mother a year later by him.  It's because of that one act by my father, that I was brought to the knowledge myself.    I've learned since, that just because we discover the truth doesn't mean it's easy to follow or that we are going to follow it the rest of our lives.  I, personally, discovered the "holy spirit" at a very young age. Attending church each Sunday was my sanctuary away from home.  In my childhood my experience was filled with drama and chaos, due to addiction also residing in our home, and alcoholism being much like an un-welcomed "guest", that seemed to consume all of us; yet there truly was no escaping it or kicking that "guest" out of our home. When one person has an illness in the family, we all carry that same illness with us.  I didn't know what "it" was at the time, but I knew I couldn't feel "that" at home, all the time like I wished. I developed my own beliefs, testimony, and knowledge ever since, at a very young age. I decided to go to church even if it meant all by myself. And sadly, a lot of times it was, once my sisters flew the coop.  Those were tragically sad times for me.  I often day dreamed as I looked to the other families filled with love and had both parents sitting next to them and their other siblings in the pews.  I sat next to seemingly "strangers" to me.  They did become my family, eventually, and I'm SO grateful for the Hanson Family and the Brown family especially for selflessly giving me rides to church which was about a 25 min drive on the freeway to Perrysburg from little Oregon, Ohio.  What I would have given to have my whole family attend church with me, every Sunday.  I begged every week for my parents to go with me, and was turned down every wk.  I shed many tears over this. It literally broke my heart into a million pieces every Sunday.   The pain little Ellie felt was deep.  I couldn't understand why those same parents who brought me this knowledge could turn away from it, at the same time.  I'm grateful however, for their beliefs, even still.  I'm still holding on to hope that those beliefs turn into convictions that lead to actions that are required when one gains spiritual knowledge and truths.  I guess it's always been a somewhat selfish request.  I just desire to share with them what I feel and have a mutual understanding of everything thats involved when you live the life our Father in Heaven desires us to live. I desired to share going to the temple with my own parents and having them be there for me when I went through to receive my own endowments, before my mission to Spain.  I'm so glad my sister Gretchen and friend Alysia and Sister Brown (one of my several "adopted" mothers) were!  He has commandments to help us be ultimately happy. That's it.  I just desire my parents to ultimately be happy too.  I've lived their struggles and seen their misery when they make poor decisions against what they know to believe.  I desire for them that the addictions that weigh so heavy on their lives will become light and their weaknesses become strengths and they can ultimately turn their "mess" into their message to help others who struggle with addictions.  I don't think it coincidence me being born into this family.  We are all unique and every person in our family has a strength and something amazing they bring to share.  Sometimes it's been a battle "good vs. evil" as to what our own family believes.  We were all born into the same family, but not all of us share in common the same beliefs and convictions.

I guess you could say I have a "strong spirit"and ability to recognize truths that resonate with me from the "life before." I was motivated by my strong spirit inside of me to do things that other kids my age, would never even think of doing, like attending church each Sunday all alone as a young teen for a 3 hr block (4 hrs including travel time)  I had wished I had more friends from school that were "Mormon" too.  I felt like an alien at school, never feeling like I belonged, yet knowing I had a Father in Heaven who loved me and thought I was special, was enough to carry me through my tough High School years. They were tough only because I felt I never belonged anywhere. I never liked a label and still don't. I never wanted to be labeled the "popular kid" or the "nerd." I was friends with every group, or I at least tried very hard to be. I never wanted anyone to feel less than a beautiful son or daughter of God. I knew I was!  What people thought was important in HS, really wasn't ever important to me.  And it really was never my business what people thought of me. I know I did like receiving compliments on my long thick strait hair and my artist ability, my singing voice and that's about it.  Kids can be cruel and if you don't know who you are in High School especially, you will drown. I knew I was a daughter of the most High God. I was HIS Princess, even if no one ever made me feel this way. I knew my truth. 

Because my parents became inactive in church, I was baptized at the age of 10, into the LDS church along with my 2 older sisters (Gretchen, 11& Monica, 13) on January 23, 1988.  This was later than the normal 8 yrs of age. A lot later for Monica, especially.  This is our special day as sisters to celebrate together, even though we are currently living in AZ, NM, and OH respectively)  It's something that forever bonds us together.   

 I not only believe, but I know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live. I know Jesus Christ is my Savior.  Its an absolute truth that I was lucky enough to receive a very special witness of (which is very sacred to me), to which I could never deny. They love us beyond measure. There is nothing we have done or will ever do, that has ever or will ever diminish the love and light in which they have and hold for each of us. How amazing is that?  (this is a truth reminder to me by my sweet Pamela Ann Ezell, who wrote the book, "Mindset of Miracles" I highly recommend you read her book or call her for a personal session!) 

I don't have children yet, but I do believe in love and they say that when you become a parent you will understand the love the Savior and our Heavenly Mother and Father have and feel for us. We get to experience first hand about creation and love. I was a step parent for a time and you could say I'm currently a "mother figure" to several nieces and nephews (almost 14 of them now, almost 7 each from those same older sisters of mine Monica and Gretchen #14 is due in Nov!) and 4 younger brothers (Zac 24, Alex 22, Taylor 21, & Adam 15.5 because the .5 counts at their age! ha ha) and other children I've nannied or babysat for, over many years. Ive become truly convinced that all we need is LOVE!!! And you don't need to have children to understand this truth.  You can learn from children everywhere. I just happen to learn from every child with whom I come into contact. 

I now, in my adulthood, struggle at times to attend church every Sunday (for various personal reasons, some health etc) but the truths I know will always remain with me, no matter where I go. A belief is just a belief and requires nothing more. A knowledge of something, you can never deny. With knowledge comes responsibility. It requires something; action. There are believers of Christ and there are followers of Christ. Which one are you? I feel it's simply not enough just to believe as I've seen this first hand with people in my life who have tried to "serve 2 masters." It clearly doesn't work. I feel that once you believe, it should catapult you into a knowledge of that belief. To which should move you into taking action into becoming a follower. To be a follower of Christ doesn't mean we will ever be perfect in this life (I admit to being super imperfect but I pick myself back up and keep trying). It only means we have the perfect guide and the perfect example to follow when we do decide to take action. Can you imagine if we never had a perfect example to follow? And when the storms of life come, (cuz you know they will!) you don't abandon or jump ship. You take action and hold tight to your knowledge you were blessed with to await the storm to pass. I believe we are all here to gain knowledge and experiences in this life to take with us into the next one; learning to truly LOVE in all its forms and in all its many meanings and capacities. In Italian there are several words for love, depending on the meaning. There are several ways to love; loving without conditions or restrictions is the MOST important and profound LOVE. That is true charity.  It is deep and it is not easy to love this way. It takes practice(action) Love is a verb! 

If we believe that our only "mission" on this Earth is to gain knowledge and life experience, we can not and have NEVER ever failed. I know first hand a lot of us may jump ship and abandon our beliefs and knowledge because life got too hard to live and instead we need to reach up for that hand that is outreached still, unconditionally loving us and desiring our happiness, to pull us into "safety," once again. I know I have personally been tempted to throw away all of this knowledge because the pain of life got too deep to bear. But I was never abandoned and choose to never abandon that same love They easily and freely give me and to everyone. I'm special, just like everyone else. :)  I'm invested in a wonderful relationship with Father and our Savior, which anyone can have if they choose to take action and work for it. For those who are blessed to have children can understand this on a deeper level, which I look forward to with excitement! Would you ever abandon your child or withhold loving them for any reason(even the seemingly bad?) Gaining this knowledge has helped me through my divorce and the "perfect picture of a life the culture of the "Mormon church" makes us sometimes feel we have failed if we don't attain"I know I can't always appreciate the "Mormon Culture" because it's not what I experienced growing up in OH, and experienced the most in UT, of course, the 5 yrs I lived there. I'm now in my (dare I say!) mid 30s, divorced, no kids and very much single and not dating, period. I feel discouraged a lot and allow myself to feel unloved and "picked over," at times, feeling it may never happen for me, not understanding the plan for me. (Then I remember my truth He so lovingly showed me in my very early years)

 I have been discouraged to the depths of depression and back throughout my life. I know what the lack of love feels like from the world, yet I can not and will never deny the love my Savior and Heavenly Father have for me or the fact and absolute truth that they exist, are real, and live today and that the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored in its fullness to the Earth and just so happens to be that same church I grew up in. How lucky am I?  If that knowledge is all I needed to gain by going through life's "storms"than I would pass through them again and again. They have not and will never abandon us. We are the ones that run from their love. I still have hope in giving birth to a child or 3. :) I hope I get to experience creation and love at its deepest levels. I hope that I can weather these storms of life and hold firm to my knowledge and never abandon "ship" and keep tight and close to the love They have for me. I haven't jumped ship yet, and the "storms" of my life told me that I have every reason that I should have a long time ago. This mortal life can be lonely. We can easily feel unloved. I know I have a lot!!! I'm learning it means, I just need to hold on a bit tighter and look to Them and only Them for everything, especially LOVE; in the most perfect form. It will never be found more perfectly in any ONE or any THING else. 

Sending love to you all my fellow brothers and sisters. I never get involved so deeply into discussions in social media. This was a good time for me to reflect and remind myself that which I believe and more importantly that which I know! And to remind me that life is beautiful and we all are loved. It's a beautiful thing. xo...elle 

To me a post without a picture is boring. So here is another portrait of the San Diego Temple. My "castle" Because every Princess has a Castle. The LDS Temples are my Castles.  I love to look at and remind me that we can experience a piece of Heaven on Earth, even by taking a picture, or looking at the picture of the temple, being on the Temple grounds in person or going inside. It's the Lord's House and the closest place on Earth to Heaven.  It's a constant reminder to me that I'm HIS Princess. Child of God. Daughter of a KING! Inside we get to learn the wonderful "mysteries of Heaven" and learn how to return back to Father who LOVES us dearly and is anxious to wrap us in His physical loving arms once again. I love them and shed tears when I think of Their love and feel Their love.  There truly is nothing more important. I'm so blessed and lucky I gained this knowledge at such a young age because it set the stage for my entire life and every choice I've ever made. 

That's me, folks.  For those who grew up with me, or all those friends and acquaintances and clients I've met over the years, this helps you understand a bit more of who I am and why I do what I do, no matter what it is.  I'm normally very private especially when it comes to spiritual matters because as a "child," I clutched these truths so tightly, because I felt I might lose them if I shared them.  That was wrong, but I didn't know. I was a child still learning. I'm still a "child" in a lot of ways, still learning and still growing and of course evolving.  So now is my time and ability to share those truths with anyone who will read this.  By sharing, blessings only multiply.  I know that now.  Know that you are all wonderful sons and daughters of the most High God and you too, are a Prince or Princess.  He holds you dear.  Simply reach out to Him. He has always been right by your side.  He loves you.  He knows you. He desires we get to know Him.  

So for anyone wanting to know what I believe. There you have it.  If you have any further questions, about me or my religious beliefs or even photography, I'm an open book. Just ask.  Find me on Facebook or Instagram (ellejphotography) and lets be friends!  If you would like a free copy of the Book of Mormon to learn more about my beliefs and knowledge I'd be happy to send you one.  The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ.  It in no way replaces the Holy Bible, however coupled with the Bible we get to understand more truth and personally I can understand the Bible that much better.

Food for thought:  When you find yourself intrigued by what others believe or know, I personally believe that is your Father in Heaven, desiring you to reach out to Him. He will show you the way and you just never know in what form or "way" that may come to you, even on Instagram or Facebook.  These things I share aren't secrets or shouldn't be new to anyone.  If all of this sounds familiar it's simply because it is.  You already know this info, I'm just helping us all remember our truths.  I wish happiness and peace and most importantly you all get to feel unconditionally loved every day. Blessings my friends. ...e

There is a great article Merrill Osmond emailed to me last year on "Absolute Truth" by Spencer W. Kimball. It is VERY thought provoking for sure. Have a read. 

CLICK HERE to read the Absolute Truth article.

To see more of my photography go here: www.ellejphotography.com  

and keep scrolling down if you'd like to see pics of  me with my family in Ohio!

Sailing with daddy....

This was last August 2012 on our little sail boat on Lake Erie, with daddy, baby brother Adam, and Tyson, the sweetest pitbull you'll ever meet. This was our last day to sail before Autumn came blowing in, and before life as we knew it changed for all of us on this little boat. Recently Tyson got loose and ran away at Meinke Marina. There is a reward if he's found. I'm so sad for my parents. He is surely missed. :( Father's Day is tomorrow. Thinking about my daddy and how much I love him and miss him. I don't get to spend much time with him, but when I do, I cherish the moments and make sure to capture them with my camera. I love the water. I crave boats and to sail. Mostly I love the time spent and the music we listen to and the talks we have as we listen to the gulls screeching above, and the water splashing beneath us. I'm simply mesmerized by sunsets at sea and the wind and sun on my face. I take it all in with very deep breaths and meditative thoughts and capture what I can. This was where I was born. This was life for us growing up. Lake Erie. Boats. Family. Time. These moments are so fleeting, I desire to freeze them in time. Photography is life, frozen in time. I can never truly explain why I always have camera in hand and why it's so important to me to capture every second, if I could. It just is. I'm a sentimental sap. It's who I've always been. Thank you daddy for being my first inspiration with photography. You showed me a world where I can dream and be an author through photographs. I get to show you what I see, from where I'm standing, life is beautiful. xo...e