a few wks ago i was "high" on life you could say. my thoughts were coming so fast i couldn't type fast enough. i was at a new level. a new "high" of thought. it was deep. it was heavy. it was raw. here are some of those thoughts i found myself lost in. this is the first time i'm letting others in. to see me for me. the raw truth. my raw reality.
"we are not defined by our past, but it colors outside the lines of who we are in the future..." elle schabel {this was an original thought/quote, that effortlessly came to me} it has many meanings and is super deep.
"Earth to Ellie" a phrase parents always used, in my childhood years, to call me "back down to earth." I am who I've always been. A dreamer with my head in the clouds. Always seeking. Always searching. Always exploring my wonderous mind and often wanderous imagination. I knew there was more to this life, then what I had, what I was. I knew I was special, meant for greatness. I always felt I had a special mission to fulfill. I was beyond my yrs mentally. I thought beyond what was in front of me. I got lost in thought. In imagining life beyond what I could see. I never wanted to face the reality. Reality was drama and yet boring at the same time. Reality was, but wasn't. I chose my reality. Therefore my mind was powerful. It took me on journeys little "ellie" couldn't dare to imagine, but she did. Coming back "down to earth" was disheartening. She wanted to stay lost. Lost in dreams. Lost in visions. Lost in thought. Lost in music. Lost in art.{hence the title of my blog}"
"Today nothing has changed. Just older. Head still in clouds. Nature has inhibited my own divine nature and inclination to stay lost. Reality is often chosen for us. Keeping a job has never been my strong suit. Therefore I knew I would need to create my own. I've always been a free bird....free spirit. One who at times doesn't want to be caught. Yet being a romantic, I do want to be chased, and eventually "caught" without being held too tightly. I do desire to be loved. However this "free spirit" sometimes fights it. I can be hard to love, yet I love easily and deeply. I feel deeper, therefore I don't want to feel sometimes. I try to stay numb bc the pain can be too much. Love has been defined as pain, in past. I'm redefining what love means to me. Through my work. Through my art. Through my spirit. Through my music. I am an artist. I see. I hear. I look. I feel the world differently than most. Same as some. I'm an imperfect perfectionist. Seeking the appearing yet never possible perfection. I've learned to let go....some. By doing so I've found vulnerability. It's uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is the only way we learn. Only time we can grow and stretch our limits. I learned that in Spain, as a missionary. Stretching beyond our limits is where true genius can be found. No where else. Exposing ourselves, opening our hearts, often breaking our hearts is the only way sometimes, to really see what were made of. We're on a mission. We all have a purpose. We are all wise beyond our yrs. Talented above what we limit ourselves. We are supreme. Superior. Children of God. He being supreme. He, who makes supreme beings and things. He who loves us all. Do we love ourselves? Do we love Him?"....
i shot the moon for the first time. never knowing i could ever get a clear image like this one without a VERY long lens and a tripod. i was wrong. i pondered as i looked up to the moon this night. i often speak to the moon and get lost in thought. i've always loved in movies, how it's been said by lovers to "look at the moon and know I will be thinking of you...." i also always think of the popular quote to "shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll at least be among the stars" i'm a big dreamer. i believe in dreaming and "shooting for the moon" and wishing upon stars....e
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