every line, every wrinkle tells a story....

There’s a story behind every wrinkle, therein lies beauty also.

here's a melody to listen to...press play while perusing pics (will forever remind me of this trip with baby bro, Adam)






My grandmother is so beautiful to me. I grew up in OH, where she’s from {Toledo}. She moved to SoCal {San Diego, where she currently resides}, before I was born. Because of that we looked forward to her visits “home” each year. Because of distance, I haven’t been very close to her my entire childhood. Each year we received 2 dollar bills in a sweet birthday card. I looked forward to those cards each year. I loved to read the note and to see her beautiful cursive writing. I’m sentimental that way. I love to see handwriting. It’s precious to me. In my adult years I cherish any moment I’ve had with her. Every picture I take of her and with her. Every hug. Every infectious laugh I get to hear. Every story she tells. Every song sung by her beautiful voice. Every song played on her organ. My beautiful grandmother is such an example to me. She’s sweet. She’s kind. She’s thoughtful. Her laugh is infectious. Her love is unending. She’s very giving and so loving. She hula dances. And learned to play the organ late in life. She’s classy and has always dressed so lovely. Her hair is thick and luscious. Her nails are always done and with or without makeup her skin glows. I want to be like her when I grow up. Her lines on her face tell me her story…
There are lines put there by holding the hands of dying loved ones and lines put there by waiting up all night worrying about her babies and her grand babies. There are lines caused by sleepless nights full of worrying about money and the things that shouldn’t have been said. Lines caused by sun and wind. Not all lines came from worry, regret, or grief. Lots came from laughing so hard tears fell from her eyes. Lines came from pure bliss. Some came from love and others from holding new born babies or embracing her many grandchildren, old and young. Lines came from saying goodbye after brief visits, never knowing when she’d see them again. Some lines come from lonliness having outlived 2 husbands. Some lines came from squinting while taking in the California sun or sitting on the beach in the Summer heat of San Diego or being out in the cold of Toledo’s blustery snowy days. None of them came by accident. Each and every one of them had to earn its place. They worked so hard to get there. Seems a shame to try to get rid of them, or hide them, or even not be proud of them. Without saying a word, her face tells her story. In every crack and crevice lives grown up adventures and comedies, tragedies, and long tangled tales. The lines on her face are beautiful and sad to me that the world sometimes thinks otherwise. In a world full of cremes, lotions, and potions. I wish we could stop to see the beauty behind them. Every wrinkle earned. Every laugh line beautiful.
Happy 88th Birthday, Alice, my sweet, beautiful, and lovely grandmother. I love you, xoxo…e

Here below are more images from our last visit in July of 2011.  {I know I know, my personal photography always takes a "back seat" to my professional} Just the way the cookie crumbles. However, with my new imac and 4 more gigs of RAM I just installed yesterday, expect faster more productivity for sure! It has made all the difference} Life is good.

earth to "ellie"

as an artist, i often find myself lost in ideas. lost in thought. lost in dreams. lost in needing to express myself, yet not knowing quite how to, so the world can understand.  there are many sides to me, more than most even know.  i've decided to start a new blog. a personal one. about my life. a way to express myself. even if i'm not understood. in hopes others might. either way,  i'm satisfied by letting it out, and getting it out of my head.

a few wks ago i was "high" on life you could say. my thoughts were coming so fast i couldn't type fast enough.  i was at a new level. a new "high" of thought. it was deep. it was heavy.  it was raw. here are some of those thoughts i found myself lost in. this is the first time i'm letting others in. to see me for me. the raw truth. my raw reality.

"we are not defined by our past, but it colors outside the lines of who we are in the future..." elle schabel {this was an original thought/quote, that effortlessly came to me} it has many meanings and is super deep. 

"Earth to Ellie"  a phrase parents always used, in my childhood years, to call me "back down to earth." I am who I've always been. A dreamer with my head in the clouds. Always seeking. Always searching. Always exploring my wonderous mind and often wanderous imagination. I knew there was more to this life, then what I had, what I was.  I knew I was special, meant for greatness. I always felt I had a special mission to fulfill. I was beyond my yrs mentally. I thought beyond what was in front of me. I got lost in thought. In imagining life beyond what I could see. I never wanted to face the reality. Reality was drama and yet boring at the same time. Reality was, but wasn't. I chose my reality. Therefore my mind was powerful. It took me on journeys little "ellie" couldn't dare to imagine, but she did. Coming back "down to earth" was disheartening. She wanted to stay lost.  Lost in dreams. Lost in visions. Lost in thought. Lost in music. Lost in art.{hence the title of my blog}"

"Today nothing has changed. Just older. Head still in clouds. Nature has inhibited my own divine nature and inclination to stay lost. Reality is often chosen for us. Keeping a job has never been my strong suit. Therefore I knew I would need to create my own.  I've always been a free bird....free spirit. One who at times doesn't want to be caught. Yet being a romantic, I do want to be chased, and eventually "caught" without being held too tightly. I do desire to be loved. However this "free spirit" sometimes fights it. I can be hard to love, yet I love easily and deeply. I feel deeper, therefore I don't want to feel sometimes. I try to stay numb bc the pain can be too much. Love has been defined as pain, in past. I'm redefining what love means to me. Through my work. Through my art. Through my spirit. Through my music. I am an artist. I see. I hear. I look. I feel the world differently than most. Same as some. I'm an imperfect perfectionist. Seeking the appearing yet never possible perfection. I've learned to let go....some. By doing so I've found vulnerability. It's uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is the only way we learn. Only time we can grow and stretch our limits. I learned that in Spain, as a missionary. Stretching beyond our limits is where true genius can be found. No where else. Exposing ourselves, opening our hearts, often breaking our hearts is the only way sometimes, to really see what were made of. We're on a mission. We all have a purpose. We are all wise beyond our yrs. Talented above what we limit ourselves. We are supreme. Superior. Children of God. He being supreme. He, who makes supreme beings and things. He who loves us all. Do we love ourselves? Do we love Him?"....

i shot the moon for the first time. never knowing i could ever get a clear image like this one without a VERY long lens and a tripod. i was wrong.  i pondered as i looked up to the moon this night. i often speak to the moon and get lost in thought.  i've always loved in movies, how it's been said by lovers to "look at the moon and know I will be thinking of you...." i also always think of the popular quote to "shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll at least be among the stars"  i'm a big dreamer. i believe in dreaming and "shooting for the moon" and wishing upon stars....e